Refletions on the first weeks. . .

Now that life has settled into somewhat of a routine, I feel like I am out of survival mode and can share some of my thoughts about these first 8 weeks.  I find it easier to organize my thoughts into a list sometimes so here ya go!

1. The first week or two of having a baby sucks. I'm just gonna put it out there. Of course you love them and are amazed that you have grown this little miniature human inside of you but now that they are here, you are left to wonder what the heck to do with them! And while they're adorable, that's just not enough to get you through the screaming at 3am after you haven't slept for 3 days. And newborns don't do anything!They just lay there, staring at you with suspicious eyes(did anyone else's baby have suspicious eyes the first few weeks? Ellie certainly did!). Dan kept asking me, "when is she going to do something?" and although he knew the answer, those first days you want something from them in return for all the craziness you are going through. I think people who have already had babies should talk about this more often because it's nice to know you're not the only one who feels this way.

2. That being said, the amount of love you feel for someone so tiny is amazing. How can you love someone who offers you virtually nothing those first few days/weeks? It seems very similar to God's love for us. We are selfish, always needing something from Him, offering very little back to Him yet He loved us so much He sent His Son to die for us! I feel like I can grasp that just a tiny bit better now after having Ellie. It's amazing how all these major life events (marriage, baby, etc) can give you even more insight and glances into the character of God.

3. I never knew I could be covered in 3 different bodily fluids, all in a span of 15 minutes. ugh. 

4. The crazy hormones after having a baby are just as bad as the hormones while you were pregnant! I'm sure Dan is tired of hearing that excuse when I go crazy on him:) but it's true!! It's so easy to go from blissfully happy to raging mad to hysterically crying and back to blissfully happy all in a span of 30 minutes. Sometimes I think he just sits back and silently laughs at me (he knows better than to laugh out loud at those times! :) ).

5. The quiet moments after a feeding when you and baby are just looking at each other(after the suspicious eyes stage has passed of course) and you can tell she is studying your face.

6. We are still trying to figure out who she looks like. Neither Dan nor I see either of us in her. However, everyone and I mean everyone, says that she looks like Dan, especially in the eyes. Random people at church, who I don't even know, are telling me she looks like her dad. It's great because Dan has beautiful eyes.

7. And on the other hand, it surprises me how much it bothers me that no one says she looks like me. It's silly I know and I'm glad I married such a good looking man that could pass on his good looking genes. 

8. Don't anyone start telling me how much Ellie looks like me! I'll know it's a lie to make me feel better:) And for those who have already said that they see me in her (the 1 or 2 people), you are my new best friends.

9. No one told me that I might have hallucinations the first few weeks after she was born! I would wake up in a panic, thinking that she was in the bed with us and buried under the covers. I would frantically start searching for her until Dan would wake up and realize what I was doing and stop me, reminding me that she was in her bed. This happened on a daily basis for the first 2 weeks and then periodically thereafter. I would literally be digging through the blankets to find her, aware of what I was doing and knowing we had put her in her bed but convinced that she was somehow suffocating under the covers. Ugh, it was horrible. I'm pretty sure it was due to sleep deprivation.

10. I have discovered what a blessing a baby sling is. I can put her in that thing, all crunched up in there, and she falls right asleep the moment I start walking. Love it!

11. You are never more popular than when you have a newborn with you. I mean EVERYBODY is so happy for you. It's great!

12. I learned quickly those first few weeks that being a parent means giving a lot up and over to God. There is SO much to worry about that it can be paralyzing but when I finally was able to let that go and realize that I have no control anyways, it was such a blessing! 

13. Dressing up babies is fun. 

14. Cloth diapers are easy! and cute!!  I do laundry every other day, day and a half and voila! that's it! For all you naysayers who were taking bets about how long I'd last doing cloth diapers, I will be expecting my money when I return in November. :)

15. Last but not least, I know I said in a previous post that I didn't believe people who said that you forget the pain of childbirth but I guess it's a little true. I'm at the point where the thought of having another baby doesn't send me into a state of shock at the absurdity. Babies are pretty cute. . .if you can survive the first few weeks.