Our Story-Part 2

We finally arrived in Leiden! After a long journey over the Atlantic, my first time out of America, we landed on Dutch soil. We had a friend waiting there to pick us and our 7 suitcases up and take us to our new home. People asked me a lot in that first year how I could just pick up and move to a whole different country and wondered at how tough it was. Honestly, it was hard at times but also we had the attitude that it was just the start of a new adventure for us. We were newly married and starting our life together. What better way to do that than thousands of miles away from anything either of you have ever known??
We had a beautiful little apartment that we rented online...a few days before the wedding. Yep, that's right. When Dan came back for the wedding, we still did not have a place to live when we went back. The housing market is soo difficult here because it's a university town and we were blown away by the prices. Dan had looked at this apartment before, shortly after arriving but it was just too expensive for us. When we looked again, they had lowered the price and he said it was clean and in a nice location-which was more than he could say about other places he had looked into. So we went for it and I prayed that it would be livable. Thankfully, that house was such a blessing. It was in a perfect location, we had amazing neighbors and it met our needs exactly. It was a one bedroom, one bath/toilet room apartment that we made our own. I love that that was our first place together. 

Life those first few months were...different. Not only were we trying to adjust to married life, we were trying to adapt to a whole different culture. It was great for our marriage because we felt like it was us against the world. We'd come home with funny stories about missed translations, crazy cultural norms, and the different places we had found. We'd spend the weekends exploring the city, looking for a bike for me, and trying to navigate life in this new country. We found an international church where we started to get plugged in at, which led to use meeting some of our great friends.  It didn't take too long before we started feeling at home in our new place.

Now, all this sounds so wonderful but it definitely didn't come without its hardships. There would be days where I would leave the grocery store in tears because I had no idea what things were and where to find what I needed to cook something. Our apartment didn't have any lights when we moved in (it's common here for people to take everything when they leave, including the floors!luckily our had floors) so for a few weeks we survived by candlelight. I almost got ran over several times before figuring out the bike system here. I spent many a day in the early days sitting and watching out the window for Dan to come home from work. But in the end, it was all a part of our adventure.

We went home for Christmas that year because I was on the tv show Wheel of Fortune. Feel free to read that story here and part 2 here.  Talk about reverse culture shock. I think I stood in Wal-Mart for 30 minutes, just overwhelmed at the number of choices I had! It was hard to come back after that but that was the last time I felt that way after going back to the States. Each trip after that, while it was hard to leave family, I was ready to get back to my own home with my own stuff-which happened to be in The Netherlands.

The next year was an exciting one as Dan took me to Paris for my 30th birthday, we went to Italy for 2 weeks for a conference and vacation (Sicily in particular), had friends visit me-where we traveled to Rome, Venice, and Barcelona, took a trip I won on Wheel of Fortune to the Bahamas and went back home for Thanksgiving. Oh, and it's also when we found out we were pregnant with Ellie. :) . 2012 brought morning sickness,a trip back to the US for a baby shower, a babymoon to Venice and then a trip further north in Italy to Lake Como, a beautiful baby that was born 9 days late, a trip to the northern coast of France and Belgium with a 3 week old and finally a few months of rest before jetting off to the States again for my best friends wedding-which meant traveling alone with a 3month old. We spent Christmas there again and by the time we made it back, after cancelled and delayed flights, we had less than a week to pack up our little apartment and get ready to move into a bigger one. 

Right after our move, I was still exhausted and knew it wasn't just from jet lag and moving. I told Dan I was pregnant but he didn't believe me. But those 2 little pink lines don't lie! and thus began our adventure of preparing for baby #2, while having a 5 month old. Then in June we got a call that my dad has passed away unexpectedly so we hopped on a plane and went home to deal with that. That was a really hard few weeks. Finally, we made it back here and celebrated Ellie's 1st birthday and are now preparing for the imminent arrival of baby boy Caputo! 

Our whole marriage has been one big adventure so far. We've had so many incredible experiences that we know we are lucky to be doing together. When I look back at all we've done, there's no doubt that there is no one else I would want to walk this journey with than Dan. He is a big part of what has made this adventure what it has been. I can't even begin to imagine what our future holds. His contract ends next May (2014) and at this point we have no idea what our next adventure will be. But I do know it will be one heck of a ride and that we'll have each other plus 2 more! to navigate it with!

Here are some pics of when we first arrived in Leiden

Our Story-Part 1

Yikes! I still owe a post about Ellie's 1st birthday and I will get to that...I hope. But in light of my 3 year wedding anniversary yesterday, I wanted to write a post about my husband and our story.

We met in college when we were 19 or 20. He was friends with a friend of mine and I had heard a lot about him before actually even meeting him. I actually met him my sophomore year of college when we lived in the same dorm. I put two and two together that he was the guy my friend had talked about. For those who know Dan, or at least knew him in college, he was Mr. Friendly. Part of the reason (ok probably the majority of the reason) he took the "extra long" path to finish his Bachelor's is because he would rather spend all night up talking and hanging out with people, rather than doing homework or getting sleep to get up for class the next day. So we spent a lot of time together that first semester and took random trips to Iowa in the middle of the night, just because the border was 30 minutes away. He left school the 2nd semester due to grades and I spent a few months trying to see if things could work out with an old boyfriend. We didn't have much contact that semester, it was very clear things were over between me and the old boyfriend (and in fact I think he met his now wife a few months after that and they are happily married with beautiful children), and I was going about my merry way in school. Dan came back that following year and we resumed our friendship right where it left off. We continued being just friends for the next 2 years, although I had reached a point where I definitely liked him and wanted a relationship with him. He was a little slower on the uptake.

Fast forward to June 2003 when it all finally clicked for him. I had been on a cross country road trip with my best friend and when we arrived back home, he was waiting for me with flowers and asking me out on a date. We dated a year and everything was great. Then, we went to a friend's wedding and cue the man freakout. We broke up for a little bit after that because he wasn't sure if he could do the marriage thing. It freaked him out. We were 23-24ish and he had not finished his undergrad degree at this point and was unsure of where his life was headed. Eventually he got things figured out, we got back together, he went back to school, finished his undergrad and went on with Master's degree. All this time though, I kept wondering about marriage. I didn't want to push him when he wasn't ready but I also didn't want to keep being with someone who had no intentions of getting married.

To make an even longer story short, he matured and felt ready to take the marriage step. It was a critical time in our relationship because he had accepted a PhD position in The Netherlands. He knew I wasn't going to move with him just being a girlfriend. It was definitely a make or break decision. Little did I know, behind the scenes he was preparing to ask me to marry him.

On Easter morning April 4, 2010, he asked me to be his wife. You can read the proposal story here . It was everything I had dreamed of and more. A month and a half later, he left for The Netherlands to start his position (anddd to avoid all the wedding planning:) ). We wanted to get married as soon as possible, due to him living abroad and us having dated for 8 years at that point. So we set a date for August...4 months after we got engaged, much to the dismay of my mom who definitely thought we needed more time to plan (but we did it mom!). Dan flew back for the wedding (obviously) and it was one of the best days of my life. I was nervous he would be nervous since he had had so many issues with getting married (prior to getting engaged) but he was so confident in his decision and only looking forward to spending the rest of his life with me.  I honestly couldn't believe how calm and cool he was. I'm pretty sure I was more nervous than he was!!

We had such a blast at our wedding and wouldn't mind doing something like that every year:) It was a huge party with all of our closest family and friends. Lots of crazy dancing, late night ghost hunts(for our guests, not us:) ), and people still telling us today how much fun our wedding was. We also had some wedding crashers that came and danced with all of us for awhile. The Ladies of Harley were at the resort for a weekend getaway and saw all the fun going on and asked my mom about it in the elevator. My mom invited them in to come dance and hang out and the rest was history. We didn't want to leave the party at the end of the night...but kind of we did :)

The next day we had breakfast with our parents, which we normally wouldn't have done if we weren't moving abroad in a week and then we headed out for our honeymoon in the Smokey Mountains. It was a beautiful week in a huge cabin(we got upgraded because there was something wrong with our original cabin) that overlooked the Smokey Mountains. We headed back home after a week to finish our packing and say goodbye to our friends and family to start our new adventure as husband and wife in Europe. Stay tuned for Part 2 to read about our adjustment to life here and life since then...in the meantime, enjoy these pics from our wedding!

International differences in pregnancy and childbirth

I know I've posted bits and pieces about the differences between giving birth here and giving birth in the States. As I read more online blogs/forums about pregnancy and childbirth, as well as talking to many international friends from all over the world, I'm struck by all the differences that are out there and how we all are super convinced that our way is the best (and of course the only healthy way) for our child. I thought it might be interesting to highlight some differences I have seen and/or heard, if only to remind myself when I get back to the States that there are other choices out there.

(Keep in mind that I've never been pregnant or given birth back in the States so I am going off of what I've been told by friends back home and other people's experiences that I've read about, as well as my own research while pregnant).So, starting with pregnancy. . .You are typically given a big list of no no's from what not to eat, drink, or do while pregnant. Back home it's no alcohol (although more and more it seems some doctors are okaying it in small amounts), no deli meats, no raw fish, no smoking, and I'm sure more but these seem to be the big ones I see over and over again. In many other countries, alcohol is ok, specifically wine (in moderation), smoking is still a huge no (although you'd be amazed at the number of pregnant women I see smoking here), deli meats are fine and ask most Asian women and they will say they continued to eat sushi throughout their entire pregnancy. I've had friends here say that they've been told not to eat strawberries (could pass on an allergy to your child), who drink coffee and other coffee beverages everyday, if not twice a day and who enjoy a glass of wine with dinner.  To me, it seems like you need to make your best judgement on what is best for you and your baby.
During your pregnancy here, you will see a midwife, unless you have some sort of complication. There's not another option if you have a normal pregnancy. The midwife will deliver you, whether you decide to give birth at home or in a hospital-again as long as everything is complication free. They do not weigh you...ever. They do not test your urine for protein except after you hit 40 weeks. They listen to the baby's heartbeat each appointment, take your blood pressure and send you on your way. I know back home it's routine for you to have your urine tested every appointment and to be weighed. They also only test you for gestational diabetes at 24 weeks with a blood test. No drinking the nasty stuff I've heard horror stories about. You also do not get a group B strep test, which they do in your 3rd trimester in the States. When I asked my midwife about it, she said it wasn't necessary if I had no risk factors. I know another big thing right now is the TdaP booster that the CDC is now recommending in your third trimester to pass immunity onto your baby for whooping cough. That also is not given here and actually not recommended for a pregnant woman. (it is one of the regular vaccines given at 8 weeks to your baby). I have heard of many people back home not allowing grandparents and other visitors to hold the baby unless they themselves get a booster shot.
When it comes time for delivery, you will deliver when the baby is ready to come as long as you and baby are still doing fine. Unfortunately, being big and miserable does not qualify for an induction. They only induce when medically necessary or after you are very near 42 weeks. I practically had to beg to be induced 2 days before I hit 42 weeks (luckily i went into labor on my own a few days before my scheduled induction). The rate of c-sections is very low here. If you're baby is breech and the conditions are right(your pelvis is wide enough,etc) they will try to convince you to deliver the baby vaginally. Ultimately that decision is up to you but a C-section is seen as a major operation and not a routine delivery, as it's becoming in the States.
When the baby is born, barring no problems, you will get to hold him and he will not leave your room until you are ready to walk out the door to go home (well this was my experience and again, everything went very smoothly with my delivery). They will weigh him(no measuring length), give him a vitamin K shot, and hand him back to you for more skin on skin contact. They do not put the eye gel on their eyes, no heel prick, no other shots, no bath. I believe in the States it's common (and sometimes required by law) for the baby to get the eye gel, receive their first Hep B vaccine and get the heel prick, within a few hours after birth.
As anyone knows who read my birth story with Ellie, because we had such a complication free birth and because she was born in the morning, we were sent home 4 hours after she was delivered. That is common here.  They do send you home with a nurse aid type person, which I've already written a blog about back in October (see Kraamzorg blog for more details).
The midwife comes to your house every other day for the first week to check on your recovery. The kraamzorg records how the baby is doing, weights, food intake, diapers, etc. A woman from the health department comes and does a hearing test and the heel prick. Another woman comes from the consultatie bureau, which is where you go for vaccines, well child check-ups, etc(but not for medical things-you see a general practitioner not a pediatrician-for that) and does your first "well child check up" in your home and schedules your next one for a few weeks out.
This is getting super long! But one other area that I know a lot people are curious about that I will touch on briefly is vaccinations. We chose to delay Ellie's vaccines for numerous reasons and to opt out of a few that we didn't find necessary. And I know vaccines are a hot topic but I do think it's worth considering that every country has their idea about what is "necessary". For example, one of the reasons we chose to delay was because we didn't feel the Hep B vaccine was necessary for her at this time. She is at no risk for it (it mainly affects people in the health field, IV drug users, prostitutes, and people who have been in prison) and it is one that if she needs when she is older, than she can get it then. The main reason they do the Hep B at birth and then the few times afterwards is because the population who is at risk for Hep B, they are very difficult to vaccinate at 18, 25, etc. The drug users and prostitutes are not typically great at coming in for medical treatment. The Netherlands just transitioned to where they were recommending the Hep B vaccine be a part of the regular vaccination schedule, about a year or two before Ellie was born. The reason above is what they told me when I called to ask about getting the other vaccinations with the Hep B omitted. Also, in the States, the chicken pox vaccine is now a part of the regular vaccine schedule. That is not given here at all. It is still common to get your kids together with a child who has chicken pox so they can get it and get it out of the way:). There are a few other differences, though the main players (tetanus, diphtheria, polio, pertussis, etc) are given as they are in the States. I share this not to start a debate about vaccinations but just to show that there are differences, even in developed countries, about what is "absolutely necessary" for our children's health.

I'm sure there are a ton more differences but if you're still even reading this, I'll let your brain rest!:) I'd love to answer any specific questions you have about my experience getting pregnant and having kids abroad. In the meantime, I just think it's always good to think outside our own culture and realize that there are other ways of doing things that are equally as good. Annnd to remind myself if I ever have a child somewhere else, that I have options.